3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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