Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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