you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
