I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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