this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You took a bar mat shot.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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