I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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