there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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