You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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