the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
