Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
