I wish I could teleport
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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