It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
