Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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