did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
