literally had 100 drinks last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
