Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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