I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
