can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
