I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
