Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
