Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
