just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
