I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
