do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
