I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
