I think I am morally bankrupt
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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