I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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