we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
