I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
