blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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