Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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