I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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