What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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