at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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