Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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