im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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