all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize