life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
