In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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