i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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