This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
