Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
