he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
