so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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