Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
