we have pet lesbian snakes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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