Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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