I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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