Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
