I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
