I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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