I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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