if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
