i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
