I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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