i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I came so hard my ears popped.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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