I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
