come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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