it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
