If i come over, it means nothing
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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