can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
