So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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