My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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