I want to make a zoo with you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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