We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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