i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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