We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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