Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
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just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
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Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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