I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
