I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
