i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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