I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
