Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
