Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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