This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
