I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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