Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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