i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Congratulations! We have a period
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